Surgery

Yesterday was easily one of the most traumatic days of my life. I had to have surgery and although it was quite necessary and nothing like open heart surgery it was still a very emotional day.

We drove up to Salt Lake to have it done at the University Hospital. - Long drive up and Long drive home afterwards! I have a hard time handling needles but I usually do OK. This time? Bad. They had to draw one tube of blood for testing and then I had to get an IV. Probably as a result of the mix of emotions building up about the whole thing this turned out to be much worse than normal.

They wiped my arm down with the alcohol wipe but didn't wait for it to dry before they stuck the needle in. Oh my goodness! That was one of the worst things I have ever experienced! The alcohol went into my arm with the needle! It burned so bad all up and down my arm { not to mention the fact that there was a needle sticking in me. } I was sobbing by the time he was done. { have I mentioned that I HATE needles? }

{ The most horrible blood drawing experience ever! }

Then the IV lady came and did my other hand for the IV. Already in a traumatized state it did not help that half way through she says "Oops" (WHAT!!!) "I think I blew it. Here we'll just start over." What a horrible thing to say! I think I blew it? Don't tell me that when you have a needle gouging around in my hand! There went the water works again. I felt like such a wimp but at the same time it took too much energy to try to be calm about it.

K.C. is usually the kind of person that isn't bothered by that kind of stuff and watched himself get stitches once. But by the time they poked me for the second time to start the IV over again he almost lost it. He told me later that his forehead was sweating and his tummy felt all weird. He had to kneel next to me and put his head down. { which worked out well because I latched right on and sobbed on his shoulder. }

Then they told me that K.C. had to stay behind when I went into surgery. { Which I already knew and was trying to brace myself for. } but also that he could NOT come and be there when I woke up in the recovery room. I am not ashamed to admit that I need and depend on K.C. A LOT and having him near me is such a comfort. The idea of being scared out of my mind and then waking up without him was awful. It was eased only slightly when they told me that I would be able to see him just a few minutes after I woke up.

Liars! It was 35 or 40 minutes after I gained consciousness before they brought me back to him! It did help that I was drugged but I was still pretty impatient.

They told us that everything went well but now I am quite miserable. Every time I close my eyes I have some sort of strange hallucination. It is the weirdest thing I have ever experienced. We were driving home and I was all propped up on pillows and wrapped up in a blanket
{ thanks for the advice Meg! It was a lifesaver! }
I would be looking out the window and then I would close my eyes and still be looking out the window, but some life threatening catastrophe would be happening, like a semi coming at us straight on or a huge truck parked sideways in the road. It would scare me to death and I'd open my eyes to find us driving peacefully along.

{ bundled up for the ride home - with my teddy bear "Buster" }

I thought that I would sleep most of the way home and most of today but it's more exhausting to try to sleep than it is to stay awake and deal with it. I'm just hoping and praying that everything is worth it in the end and that this is the beginning of a happier life. After a year of pain and emotional trauma I am so ready for change. I just wish that I could fall a sleep without having nightmares. Oh and I guess sometimes when I am actually asleep I forget to breath too. Not quite sure what to do about that one.

{ Me and my lifeline}

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