Tiny, huge muscles

The battery on the van was dead today. So K.C. needed to push it out of the garage so that we could jump the battery. Craig went to help him and came running back in so excited he could hardly talk.

"MOM! I'm so strong I pushed the minivan out of the garage!"

"How did you do that?"

"With my muscles! I was just pushing and pushing as hard as I could and I DID IT! The reason I could do that is because my muscles are bigger than than van! They looks sorta tiny but they're actually huge! It's a good thing my muscles are as big as Texas AND Rhode Island!"

A gift for you mom and dad

Craig was telling K.C. "when I was a baby my mom was basically my servant. She changed my diapers she gave me baths.  She kept me from getting cradle cap.... I better keep taking baths cause I don't like that cradle cap!"

I told him that I love to help and do service for him. Then he went running in the other room saying "I've got something for you mom and dad!"

He brought back five pennies for each of us, one penny for each year that we have taken care of him. Ahh! Sweet boy!

Then he said "I'm so proud that my mom and dad take such good care of me every day"

Please Move The Deer Crossing

After Watching the first minute I stopped it to ask Craig if he knew why those signs were there. He said...
"hmm, so deers can crash cars?" hahaha!  couldn't stop laughing! This totally made my day.

Take a hammer

 

I overheard Craig's prayer after we left his room this evening. It went something like this

"Heavenly Father,
Please help me to not have any nightmares tonight. Only good dreams, silly dreams, funny dreams and super super silly dreams. But no spooky ones and no scary ones. And if I do have a spooky one will you just take a hammer... well I know there's not hammers up there.... Will you take a cloud and just BAM it out of my head! Thanks!
In the Name of Jesus Christ Amen."

Site words

Craig brought home this list of site words they that they will be learning in kindergarten this year. Just out of curiosity I pulled out my stopwatch and timed him while he went through them. He read the entire list in (45 words) in 56 seconds!

Then I pulled out a book that he had never read before and timed him reading that fir one minute, he read 45 words a minute out of that one too! And the book has words like: Belong, tumbledown, queen, knights, wondered and Ladies-in–waiting.

So proud of my Craig!  I thought it was awesome.

Moving on?

When you've been hurt. Really hurt. It's hard to open yourself back up to their harsh judgement and misinterpretations again.  Especially when there's no hope of an apology of any kind or any attempt to clear the air and make up for it because they probably don't know that I am aware of what was said.

It makes me want to tell them they were wrong, that they had no right to say what they said. I want them to know what I've been going through and how their gossip and unkind words have hurt.

Yet I'm supposed to be the bigger person, forgive, forget, move on. If I do, how can I talk to them? How can I face them? How can I share anything with them without wondering and worrying about what is being said behind my back.

But If I don't, if I try to protect myself from that and limit my connection and communication, if I don't let them into my life then I'm seen as the mean and rude one... It's even worse because I want a close connection, I long for their approval and acceptance. I felt I was making progress, that I was able to be me and not worry so much. But now I'm back to square one or worse.

There's a  whole world of turmoil inside of me and a fear that I will always be seen and judged unfairly and harshly by them. And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of having to tip toe around on eggshells just in case I do something that they might get the wrong impression about. I'm sick of feeling like I have something to prove and that I'm not good enough. I'm sick of filtering my actions and reactions to seem the person they expect to see. I just want to be me.

I happen to think that I'm just fine. In fact, I think I a pretty great person! (Even though I sometimes wonder if I believe that, because it seems to contradict popular opinion.). I put hard work and effort into being the best wife and mother that I can be, every single day. I know that the bulk of my day is spent in doing things that I wouldn't just do because I want to, but because I know that it will help K.C. I know that it would be nice if he didn't have "one more thing to do" so I run around trying to be one step ahead of him and do all the things I can so that he can put his energy into the things that are most important to him.

I am tired of apologizing for things that aren't true! For feeling bad about myself because they don't understand me and have no clue what goes on in my house, let alone my heart and head!

Savannahs world

When i first came out of the office to see this my initial reaction was "Oh Savannah! I just cleaned this up!"

But then something made me stop and take a second look and I had to smile. We are all so different. Each person has things that are important to them. And each of us is at a very different stage in life. This, this is her life, these are her treasures. This is what gives her joy and it is oh so sweet.

I long for the day when I don't have to have my bookshelf right smack dab in the middle of my entry way so that her frequent and messy adventures with it aren't quite so 'in your face messy'. But for now it's ok.

Whenever it's quiet and I can't hear what she's doing, I usually find her like this (or putting my make up on.) But mostly like this.

This is a perfect depiction of her world.

1. She ALWAYS has a stack of books. Not one or two mind you, A STACK! Usually too heavy for her to carry so she's always asking for help. They watch shows with her, they go to grandma and grandpas with her, they go in the car with her, to the park, to church and she even sleeps with them! I moved one on her bed one time and I didn't put it in the right place. We had an instant melt down. She explained how I'd done it wrong, fixed the problem by putting in the right place and then said "Mom, me no feel very happy right now!" She knows exactly what she wants and how she wants it. 
   
   I love to watch her with them, she very carefully scans each page then turns to the next. As soon as she's finished with one she'll pick up another, and she'll usually 'read them' this way for hours on end without making a peep.


2.  Her baby of course.


3. Some of Craig's cars. I'm not sure yet whether she just likes them that much or she just knows Craig loves them that much and she wants to push his buttons. But I prefer to think that she just wants to be like him.


4. Her Dora Pajamas. It's a tearful, devestated Savannah when she has to change out of her special Pajamas. (actually any of her pajamas. she loves them all and can hardly bear the thought of actually wearing regular clothes.)


5. A game. Any game. She just likes to pull on out of the game closet and have it there. There's always the chance that she'll loose interest in her books for a second or two and having a nice game handy is just the thing. 

Life is for living and loving RIGHT NOW. I am having so much fun dropping my "I'll be happy when's" and finding the joy in the moment. It's been so relieving to me when I walk into a room and start to feel the overwhelming sense of failure that can come if things don't look like I'd like them to, or the constant list of  "things that need done" or if my kids have a different plan about things than I do, to be able to drop the guilt, drop the stress and find the reason for joy. Just like this pile of clutter in my clean room, it turned to a beautiful expression of my sweet Savannah. A picture and a memory that I hope to always have. My pretty princess surrounded by her treasures, happy and loving life. I'm so lucky to be a mom. My kids are constantly helping me to learn and grow.  I LOVE LIFE.

Fun in the rain

Beautiful day to make some memories!

Exploring his world

Jason is almost 3 months old now. I was helping him crawl towards the open back door. It was raining outside, he could hear the sounds of rain on our patio roof, and smell the beautiful soft breeze. Every time he would get closer he just started giggling it was so cute to see how excited he was to be reaching his goal. Just made me smile. It makes me want to find more joy in the world around me. It really is quite a wonderful place. I love my little Jason, He is such a joy to our whole family.