I'm the mom? Is this a good idea?

So I thought it was going to be so fun to have a blog when my baby was little because it was going to be so handy and fun to record all the little things and milestones that I want to remember and then they wouldn't be on random scraps around the house and get lost and do no good at all!

One problem.

It doesn't work AT ALL if you don't have the time to sit down and post about it!

I've always heard how the first baby gets so much attention and how everything they do is so amazing and fun and when the second one comes along you don't take as many pictures and they pretty much get left out! I thought "Well that's sad, but at least my kids won't have to worry about that! I'm going to make a big deal out of everything for each one of them. And I'll never forget to record them so I'm sure I won't forget!" I have since come to realize a sad reality. It's not that I don't get thrilled about every little achievement and every cute thing that she does, because I do! I love it! The problem is TIME.

So I admit with shame. Here it is 5 months after Savannah was born and I'm just now making the 7th post about her. I went from 8 days to 3.5 months with NO updates. This is one of the many things that just makes me groan inside.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm the mom. Why is it even remotely fair that two young peoples exsistence, happiness, memories, feelings of security and love... etc. etc. depend so much on me. At times it really does seem like they are getting a really rotten deal.

I'm full of good intentions. Full of "Oh I'll never do that!" or "I'm going to be the best mom because..." But when push comes to shove I'm crawling out of bed trying to accomplish the most basic of tasks and then rushing madly about all day, doing things that all seem so important and pressing, and time consuming and then I fall into bed exhausted at the end of the day (usually sometime around 2:00am) and wonder "What in the world did I get done today?" And then all too soon I'm starting it all over again.

I love my kids, the sweet hugs Craig gives me, the smiles that light Savannah's face, the delightful sounds of laughter that fill our home when they are playing with daddy... I wouldn't trade it for the world. But knowing that if I don't preserve these memories, if I don't MAKE the time for memories, if I don't don't teach them, or have traditions, or this or that... the list goes on and on, if I don't do it then no one will, is exhausting in and of itself. No pressure... I'm just the mom. Good luck kids! And how can I possibly be filling all of these rolls adequately when I feel like I'm constantly running in circles.

I have list after list in my head (and on papers here and there, and on the computer, and in my planner, and on my phone... EVERYWHERE!) When I get a free moment, I feel like I need to jump into something as fast as I can to maximize every second of time. But then I end up wasting all the time trying to sift through my to do's trying to find something that I could accomplish in the time given. It's so exasperating!

It just seems bigger than me. To have all the responsibilities that I have, to do them well, to have energy and time to have FUN too instead of only checking things off and 'getting things done!' It just seems like there are so many people who do it all so well, regular everyday people changing lives and making a difference everyday. They make it look so easy! I know that it is bigger than me, I just wish that sometimes the gap between where I ought to be and where I am would be a bit smaller!